You USED TO BE so fat

Recently I've been told on several occasions the following

    "You use to be so big, I would watch you walk upstairs and wondered how you carried all that weight!"

I'm sorry, what?

Yes I used to weigh about seventy pounds more but that was the past.

When I set out on my fitness journey in 2013 I wasn't really sure what my plan was or what exactly I was doing. I will acknowledge that I was heavier, I was overweight but not obese. Thankfully for me I decided to make a change. I was approaching thirty at the time and I was honestly worried about my future health. Several health issues run in my family; diabetes, blood pressure issues, etc. I wanted to make a better life for myself; a better future. I wanted to try and hold off genetics as long as I could.

For the majority of my life I have been an overweight individual. From a young age I was "husky". That's what they called fat boys in the 80's/90's. There was a glimmer of hope my freshman year of high school when I grew about 6 inches taller. I leaned out but then my family moved and some how I gained forty pounds. Hard to believe but it happened. Freshman year I went from 180 pounds to 220 pounds in the matter of months. I guess metabolism and genetics caught up with me at that time. 

I struggled with my weight, even though it became normal for me to be a bigger person. Again, never obese, just overweight. Over my four years of high school I gained a little bit here and there and by my senior year I wore a 2XL shirt because it was the only thing that made me feel "normal" I would look at my friend group and I was always the fat guy. I was overweight and it really affected a lot of who I was as I person. I was outgoing around my friends but I was shy in social settings. I wasn't happy with who I was.

This carried on through college and into my early adulthood, post college. By the time I was nineteen I weighed at least 235 pounds. in college. Which sucked when it came to having back surgery at nineteen. I didn't have surgery because of my weight but because of a childhood injury or some type of weird birth defect (they were not sure). I remember my surgeon telling me that if I lost weight it would help my back and recovery. I did manage to lose a few pounds in the months after surgery but part of that was because I wasn't able to walk or do a lot of things on my own so food and snacks really were not an option. I also drank a lot of water. 

My weight became normal. I didn't talk about it. I wasn't concerned until 2008 when I got hired to work a summer camp. I promised myself I was going to lose some weight and be ready for a summer in the sun. Until I injured my foot, but I didn't let that stop me. I worked that camp for 10 summers and through all those summers I transformed from a shy/introvert individual to an outgoing/extrovert. Part of that was due to the beginning of my weight loss journey.

2013 I was asked to be the recreation director at the camp (summer number 5) and I knew that NOW was the time. I had already started going to the gym in February and from November 2012-February 2013 I had lost roughly 20-25 pounds. I could not believe it but some of that was from working a job where I was on my feet 8-16 hours a day waiting tables and that really helped me motivate myself. By that summer I had lost about 30 pounds and the people that knew me for years were impressed. I was impressed. I couldn't believe that I had managed to do it.

I had people cheering me on from the sidelines, coworkers, friends and even the snide comments my grandmother would make about my weight (even though I saw her once a year) affected me. 

Jump ahead a few years and about forty pounds later. My journey hasn't been easy and I still struggle often when I look in the mirror and still visualize myself as that 240 pound guy I used to be. I beat myself up if I gain a pound or I can't lose the extra fat/chub on certain parts of my body. 

Recently I've really been seeing changes in my body, my shape, my attitude, etc. It's hard to look at old photos and not be amazed by how far I've come. Last week I posted a side by side photo comparison of the beginning of my journey to recent (I'll post below and you can see by my face how shocked I am). Before placing them side by side I looked that the new photos and got a little emotional. 

It sounds a little cheesy but I just thought to myself "Dang, I'm really doing this" 

For the first time in a VERY long time I was happy with my body. I was proud of the work I had put in. Even with 2020 being a wild year with gyms closing and reopening, healthy eating being harder, etc. The year 2019 was a hard one for me in many ways and my physical health took a back seat. I gained about 15 pounds and was not happy. My clothes didn't fit, I was always earring on the go, etc. 

But back to 2020. I promised myself that this year would be a year of FOCUS.... 20/20 vision if you will. I did not want to have another bad year and I was not going to let excuses get in my way. Obviously with COVID-19 and all that goes with the pandemic it did make it harder to stay motivated to work out at home, to go for runs around my neighborhood. BUT I was not letting this stop me from meeting goals.

Once the gyms reopened and life is slowly getting back to normal I am accomplishing more than I thought possible. I've made more progress this year than I have in the last several. I had kind of hit a plateau and it really made my physical/fitness journey a little harder. June 2020 when the gyms reopened in Kentucky I promised myself that I would push myself harder. I would be better and I've seen what it can do.

As I get older I'm sure that my body will continue to change for different reasons, age, genetics, etc. As we age our bodies change. I'm sure eventually genetics will catch up with me (if they haven't already started to creep up on me). I promised myself I was not going to give up no matter what.

So back to the phrase I posted that the beginning of this; the reason for this blog. 

Yes, I used to be overweight (not obese)

Yes, I have made changes and lost weight, gained muscle, etc

Yes, I will continue to be the best version of myself

Yes, I will still compare myself to my old self

No, I will not go back to where I used to be

No, I will not let my past haunt my future

No, I will not allow others to belittle me even if they were trying to complement me. 

That phrase really hurt. It pushed me over the edge. It caused me to look at my body and think "Am I still that fat guy I used to be?" It really messed with my head. I've let it be a motivator, a source of anger, a source of "don't give up".

The person that said it to me had good intentions; I'm sure, but I don't think they truly understand the emotional pain that it caused me. I've had to stop myself several times over the last few weeks to remind myself that my past/former fat self doesn't define who I currently am. This individual has known me about twelve years and remembers me from when I was overweight, and that's ok but to acknowledge it; even if it was meant as a compliment, it still hurt. 

Thankfully for me I've been able to push past that and remember why I started working out in the first place. I didn't do it for others. I didn't do it so I could be the most fit person on a beach or at the pool. I did this for me. I beat myself up sometimes for letting myself get fat, but in hindsight is there anything I could've done 20 years ago that would've helped me become more fit then? Probably not. I choose to wake up every morning eat healthier, make wise food choices, workout 3-5 (sometimes 6) days a week. I say no to things that would be easy and say yes to things that may seem harder. I try not to let the hurtful words of others affect me but sometimes they do.

Though out my journey I have become more confident, I have gone from a size 42 pants to a 31 and a 2XL shirt to a large/medium (depending on the brand). I can run for more than several minutes without feeling winded. I can move more weight that I ever thought I could. I've become a more open person.

It's amazing what this weight loss journey has done for me, for my life and for my future. I'm pursuing a certification in personal training (with a focus on corrective exercise & online coaching) So that I could help others achieve goals they never thought they could meet and surpass. When others ask for help or ask me how I did it I want to be able to share my story....

When I hear "You used to be so fat" I only hear USED TO BE.... it's not who I am now. I'm looking forward more and not back as often. I keep my eyes on the journey ahead and am grateful for the roads this journey has taken me on, but for me this is not a roundabout it's a road that has many twists and turns but never a U-turn...

It's august 2020 and the year is not over and I'm not done.

Let's see where this year’s journey takes me!! I'm not where I wanna be but I'm closer than I used to be

it's just skin, learn to live in it...

The struggle is real. Very real.

 I've really struggled lately with how my body looks; not because of the changes I've made but how my body hasn't really "fixed" itself.

While everyone is stuck doing at home workouts, running and staying active outdoor; I'm doing the same. In this odd time we're living in it make fitness a little difficult, if you let it.

I've chosen to make use of my time. I'm not letting the fact that gyms are not open and working from home stop me from staying fit/active. I'm keeping myself active whether its a run around town or a workout at home. I'm also monitoring my diet and calorie intake. 

My second bedroom has become a little bit of a workout room. I don't have a lot of equipment. Very little actually. I've got about eighty pounds worth weights, some resistance bands, an exercise mat and the full intention of using my time wisely.

Just a little over seven years ago I decided to make a change. I didn't want to be the token fat guy in my group. I didn't want to succumb to fate, to genetics. There's a history of diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, etc in my family on both sides. There is no reason why I can't do my best to put off, slow down or even stop these issues from happening. Has my life change in diet and exercise made a difference? Only time will tell.

The biggest struggle I have had in the last few weeks, months really, has been HOW my body looks. I know that may sound like everyone else who's made an effort to lose weight or gain weight; whatever. I'm not happy with HOW my body has adapted to the changes I've lost roughly 70 pounds in weight but that doesn't account for how much actual fat I've lost and muscle I've gained. That's not my struggle/issue. I'm honestly proud of the hard work that I've put in over the last few years. I've yo-yo'ed in my weight, I've done really great in the gym and then I've also done horrible, losing motivation here and there for different reasons.

When I look in the mirror I can see the changes my body has made and seen. I've seen how far I've come. I'm proud; without sounding boastful, of the work I've put in. The biggest change hasn't been physical but it's been the mental. Often times in a weight loss journey the person still sees themselves as the former self. I have and sometimes I still do. There are others too; I'm sure, who look in the mirror and are not happy with how they look.

Whenever someone has been bigger or overweight their skin stretches and causes stretch marks. I've got my fair share of them. My freshman year of high school I went from 180 pounds to 220 pounds in a matter of months. Growing is part of life but I wasn't growing vertically as much as I was growing horizontally. My waist size was a good size 36/38 and wore an extra large shirt. Even my senior year I ended up wearing a 2XL shirt out of embarrassment of my body. I was fat. I knew that. I hated it.

As I have lost weight in this journey I lost inches in my waist, and everywhere else. I went from wearing a size 38 or 40 (depending on the brand) & an extra large shirt to a size 31 and a medium (sometimes large) shirt. That's a big difference. I saw my body change in ways I never though possible. With all that I lost I also became aware of the extra. Extra energy, extra pep in my step, extra confidence, and EXTRA SKIN. That's where my dilemma is: the extra skin. It's there, I need to get used to it. While I don't have the amount that some people do when they lose weight I still have it. It's become a source of insecurity. Really the question is: why?

Why has this become a source of insecurity in a person who has become more confident? Body image and self image play a huge part in this. Many people struggle with how their body looks. I'm one of those many people. I look in the mirror and I see fat and extra skin that I just can't seem to get rid of. How can I truly be confident in who I am and be proud of my weight loss journey if I can't see past the insecurities?

Simple

LOOK PAST THEM!!!

Why do I have to let these minor details set me back, hold me back? That's a good question.... I don't know. Maybe throughout my life I have been so insecure about how I look and how people treat me that I'm casting this on my current self. As a younger person I was made fun of, picked on, "bullied" because I was different. I get that, and sadly it's part of life. Maybe I'm letting all those things that were said and directed at me hold me back. At thirty six years old should I really let those things bother me?

NO!!!

If the people who teased me, made fun of me, talked bad about me could see me know I bet that they would be shocked, surprised and probably start cheering me on. Heck, even the people who have known me the last seven years see the difference and continue to cheer me on. Why, again, should I continue to cast these insecurities on myself?

I really don't have an answer. As I have been working out at home during this pandemic that is COVID-19 over the last few weeks I've been surprised at how much I can actually do. I've actually worked out at home 14 out of 15 days, or gone running or both. I've really enjoyed it. I've been able to film/video myself working out so that I can watch my form and work on correcting bad posture or form as I continue working out at home. It's been fun to watch these videos and post them. I don't always see how hard I work, until I watch these self-shot videos and pictures. I've even posted quite a few on my social media channels in hopes that it will inspire others to workout at home and better themselves. I think it's funny that I've posted so many of my videos and pictures and I'm SHIRTLESS!

How can someone who is body insecure be willing to post shirtless photos and videos and not be worried about what people think?! 

I think for me it's a way to show others that it's okay to have loose skin, to still have areas of our bodies that we need to work on. I find it kind of ironic that I'm willing to post these yet feel insecure at the same time. I've followed the journey of a guy (obesetobeast) on Instagram for the last few years and I've seen how he discusses loose skin and how he handles it. I love the body positive attitude that he projects, and lives by. It's been very encouraging to see his journey and see what he says about loose skin. Granted he's lost WAY more weight than I have but he's done amazing things and it's amazing to watch his journey.

All this to say that one thing that I've had to struggle with and teach myself about it learning to be positive and not always see the negative.

Remember when you look in the mirror, you will see flaws, but learn to look past them. Look at the wins, the good things that have come out of a journey like this. Everyone's journey is going to look different and others will see different victories and struggles along the way.

Yes, you may not always be happy or excited with the results BUT the positive side is you've learned how to change and to look at the changes that have been made in a weight loss journey. Weight lost and weight gained. Goals met and crush; goals not met and feelings of defeat. We all see different triumphs, and sometimes defeats, but that SHOULD NOT stop us from continuing on.

A journey is never a straight path, sometimes there are forks in the road and decisions and u-turns have to happen. Choices have to be , sometimes you have to say no and sometimes you say yes.

All in all we should be proud of the journeys we are on. 

Different paths all with the same goal, to become a life that is transformed for the better!!!

new year, same me, new focus

Well friends

It's here; 2020. Wow. How is it already a new year?

It seems like 2019 has come and gone faster than any other year. It's been a year for sure. A weird, odd, interesting, new and exciting year.

2019 looked so hopeful in the beginning. I was over halfway through my certified personal trainer certification course and slowly starting to get read to take me test. I was teaching a class at a gym. I was looking forward to what the year held.

Then BAM, car problems. It probably sounds petty but for someone who loves road trips and random car rides it sucked. The problems kept me from getting to the gym and I was having to bum car rides. Embarrassing and it sucked. I was so pumped for how the yer was going to go, but then this happened I dealt with car issues for a good month and a half. I never thought car problems would cause this much trouble; let alone my daily/weekly gym visits were going to take a halt. I go to the gym 4-5 days a week on a normal week, so only being able to go 1-2 times a week; if that, was crazy for me.

These two and a half months I lost strength and some muscle, but I also lost weight. I wasn't able to go anywhere but to and from work and church if my car was working. I didn't think it could get any worse.

When I finally got my car working in February I was ready to go back to the gym. Getting back into the gym after spotty gym visits had me ready to go. I continued to study for my CPT exam and was teaching my class until the gym decided that I wasn't doing a good enough job so they replaced me. Talk about another blow. That sucked, but I understood why they decided to go with someone else. I still continued to go to the gym because I needed that time. It was a great way to keep my mind busy and a great way to de-stress after work. I had other personal issues that came along the way so the gym helped me to clear my head.

While the following months seemed hopeful I felt my motivation slipping. I took my CPT test in April but sadly I failed by THREE. Three points, talk about a disappointment. I went into the test hopeful, but in the back of my mind I was scared I was going to fail. I studied and I studied hard. I was really looking forward to it. It made me question if I could actually be a personal trainer. The motivation was there, I had people cheering me on and still continued to keep my chin up.

Throughout the year I could feel my motivation slipping but I still wanted to be committed to the fitness life. It felt hard. If it wasn't one thing; it was another.

Finally at the end of the summer  I felt like I was really ready to get myself back into shape but then I got a job promotion. I'm definitely NOT mad about being promoted at my job, because I love my job and look forward to the opportunities that have and are coming my way! With my job promotion I had to start commuting 45-60 minutes 5 days a week to a different store to train for my new position (I work for Starbucks; if you didn't know). Driving almost an hour to and from and working 8+ hours of work really drained me physically. My eight hour work day turned into 10-12 hours depending on the day. Really draining. So my gym time was very limited. My time at home was spent eating UNHEALTHY dinners and sleeping. I was so exhausted all the time. The few times I got to go to the gym felt almost useless. For someone who went to the gym 4-5 times a week to literally go down to 32 times in 90 days..... that averaged to about 3 times a week; if I was lucky.

After my THIRTEEN week training (that could've lasted half that time in all honesty)  I was so excited to come back to my home store and get back into the gym. Little did I know that November and December the motivation was non existent.  I really thought I was going to make it happen. I dealt with being under the weather and getting used to being back at my home store. Plus the hours I was scheduled were all over the chart.

I promised myself that "next year I will do better" It's sad that I was mad at myself for having that "next year will be my year" attitude. I don't like that. I have come too far to feel that way. I worked hard, I've inspired myself and others to fight hard. To be a better version of myself and continue to inspire others.

So what did I decide to do?

This last week of 2019/first week of 2020 I decided that I needed to do better and be better. How can I transition from the unmotivated individual to the overly motivated individual I have been in previous years? Simple get up, get in the gym and QUIT making excuses. Sure I will have down days or weeks. I might not be in the best mood or feel that best but that doesn't mean that I can't at least make an effort. I was only making excuses and not making progress. I gained 15 pounds and yo-yo'ed back and forth ALL year. I; thankfully, ended the year only six pounds heavier than when 2019 started but that doesn't account for the weight I gained, fat creeping back in  and the muscle mass I lost as well as strength.

In December I decided I wanted to check out the Planet Fitness that opened in town; solely out of curiosity. I had heard so many things; judgement for a "judgement free zone", jokes about pizza being served, etc. I couldn't believe the pizza thing was for real, but really does it matter? To me it doesn't. I don't go to the gym for pizza, coffee or tootsie rolls. I do to work all those things off. Although pizza is pretty much going away for the year. I really like the PF here in town. It's big enough you don't feel like there are a lot of people in there. No one there is showing off, they are simply there to be better versions on themselves. I love it.

So how does that fit into me, fit into my motivation and revamped attitude about fitness and my purpose? How does this identify with my "LIFE IN TRANSFORMATION" mantra. I wanted to be a life in transformation, an example to others that if I can do it, than anyone can. Life in transformation is not only my "brand" or my mantra but it's who you can be.

I set myself goals/resolutions this year that I can obtain. I heard a radio personality talk about making "mini goals" which I thought was a great idea. It's easy to say "I'm going to lose 30 pounds this year" and then at the end of the year you've gained 10 pounds you get mad and try again all over. When you set mini goals that seem a lot more attainable and you achieve them you can revamp your goals throughout the year.

I plan on losing 15-20 pounds this year but when you break it down its a little over 2 pounds a month, totally doable. I want to train for a half marathon, seems hard but that means I have 12 months to really get myself to where I can run 13.1 miles. Right now I can't run more than 5 minutes without feeling winded so I have my work cut out for me. I want to do a tough mudder or a spartan race. I've done a similar local one a couple of times that I will do again, but I'm going to beat my time.

I also plan on retaking my CPT certification exam and passing, even if it takes 2-3 times. I refuse to fail. I want to make it happen this year. I stay very busy with my job and life but really that's just another excuse. I want to help others be better versions of themselves. I also need the motivation to be better myself.

This year in my FITNESS career/life I'm choosing the word FOCUS

It's 2020....

time for 20/20 vision when it comes to focus (get it 2020... 20/20)

I'm not getting younger but that doesn't mean that I can't be better and do better.

So let's do this!!!

Who's in?! 

It's all fun & games til....

....your gym clothes do not fit. Not because of the good kind of gains but because of not going to the gym as often, eating like garbage and making little to no effort to maintain my fitness lifestyle.

I'm going to be really really honest in this blog. It's also, probably, the hardest deepest fitness blog that I've written.

If you know me personally you've heard me talk about this; complain, etc.

I've really been struggling the last few month, really most of the year with staying motivated to go to the gym, eat right, sleep well. It's been so difficult, so hard.

On a normal week I'm in the gym three to five days, depending on the work week schedule.So to say I have been a gym rat is sort of true. I love going to the gym. It's the time of the day I can de-stress from work or even motivate myself on my days off. It's a time for me to work on myself and make myself into a better version of myself. On a normal week I'm spending between 8-15 hours in the gym; of course that solely depends on how much time I've given myself and what time I work.

While that doesn't seem like that much time it really adds up; plus I get a lot done when I'm there.
Not much down time when I'm moving from my cardio to weight training and staying occupied doing one thing or another.

I've really missed my time in the gym when it's just me and just for me. I love to pop in my headphones, turn on whatever seasonal playlist I've created. Nothing like listening to my playlist while sweating it out on the treadmill or elliptical. There's something peaceful about going to the gym. Does that sound crazy to anyone else but me? It's a happy place for myself and so many others.

I also dedicated a lot of time the early part of the year studying for my certification as a personal trainer. I failed the test the first time and I had to lay it to the side for the rest of the year due to work (more on that later). I will be picking that back up and continue to work toward that in the coming months and next year as well.

Back to the reason for this post.

Life has thrown me so many curve balls; each with a strange set of circumstances. Whether it be being sick/under the weather, car troubles or even work related.

The beginning of the year I was unable to go as often because of vehicle issues causing me to skip many days. My car decided it needed a new battery and alternator. Life happens.

Beginning in August I began traveling five days a week to a different store to train for a new position at my current store. For those that do not know I work for Starbucks full time. At the beginning of the year I was working roughly 35-38 hours a week as a shift supervisor. In this new position I started working at least 40 hours a week as the new assistant store manager. Most people I know work 40 plus hours a week and still make time for the gym. It's not unheard of. With the 40 hour work week I'm also traveling 45-60 minutes one way to get to this other store. So that adds anywhere between 1.5 and 2 hours a day to my work day causing those 8 hour work days to become 10 and 11 hour work days. I never realized travel/work/travel could be so draining. I don't know how people do this all the time.

Having said all that I've come to find my down time limited. Even when I do have a few hours a day to work out or do some type of physical  I'm being called or texted about work related things. I have other weekly involvement, church, small group, etc.

It all sounds like excuses; some things are but life has priorities that are more important than others. If you're prioritizing too many things then nothing is a priority.

When did being too tired become an excuse? Why should I use this as a reason to not workout; even if for 30 minutes.

But the gym is too crowded when you're ready to go.... and? Just because the parking lot is full doesn't necessarily mean that the gym is "too crowded" Sure I don't like to go when there are a lot of people in the gym because you have plenty of time to go, there ARE down times when the gym isn't as busy that you could go....

I just don't feel like going.... I've said that so many times. There have been plenty of times I planned on going after work/traveling back from work that I had my gym bag in my car, airpods charged and ready to go do some cardio and lift, but I get to the gym or I drive by and it's "nah I'll go later...." then I don't go.

About three weeks ago I was involved in a wreck that:, once again, rendered my ability to go to the gym. I didn't have a car, I had some injuries from the wreck that made it impossible to go. Honestly, I feel like that is a valid reason to not go. I don't want to re-injure or cause further issues because I'm stubborn.

The last 4 weeks I've been trying to push myself to get re- motivated to go to the gym, eat healthy, and get it back on track. It's been a long road.

Because of these "excuses" that I've made the last few months I've gained about twelve pounds and have gotten weak. I can't lift as much as I had been able to. I've had to go up a size in shirts and some of my clothes are feeling a little tight....including my gym clothes that were kinda loose at the beginning of the year.

 I'm having to restart. Honestly it's kind of nice to get a fresh start. Why should I be ashamed to restart.

Today is only the third time I've been to the gym in 3 weeks. It felt good, it hurt, it'll be a test of time to see how it affects the healing process from the wreck. I didn't expect it to hold me back as much as had; it happens. I had to remind myself to not over do anything because any small set back in recovery could possibly have life time affects. Sure a sore/sprain wrist can heal but why would I want to permanently injure myself....not smart, not at all. So a car wreck is a legitimate reason to take it easy in the gym or even not go.

The rest of this year has been a constant barrage of excuses, valid or not.

So really the goals I have for myself

1. Finish the rest of 2019 strong - clean up my eating habits, make a fitness plan for days in the gym and days when I can workout at home

2. STOP making excuses - make a plan, stick with it

3. Realign my fitness goals to be attainable and timely

4. Use my social media to inspire myself as much as I hope that I inspire others through my social media channels

5. Do research, read, watch and learn from others.

These 5 GOALS sound easy but how easy are they to put into practice? Guess we will find out.

2019 has

10.5 weeks
73 days
1752 hours
105, 120 minutes

How much of this time is wasted/not used?
How much of this time will be used to become a better version of myself?
Can I make a plan and stick to it?

Time will tell, and so will my waste line. I will be keeping everything up to date on all social media platforms to hold myself accountable to you, my followers and readers and to myself.

I can't be a LIFE IN TRANSFORMATION if I'm not actually making an effort to become what I decided to create, LIFE IN TRANSFORMATION isn't just a saying, it is a lifestyle, it's a mission statement, it's a purpose.

Who's ready to see where this new motivation I've found takes me?! Anyone need/want to join?!

Who I am hates Who I've been

How did I get here?Why did this happen to me?What can I do?

These are just a few of the questions that have been rolling around in my head all week. How did I get here? Why did this happen to me? What can I do? I think for me to answer these questions I have to actually actually have to figure out why these; and many other questions, popped into my head.

To start; I want to say that this is a very hard blog post to type because as I sit here and type it I’m wrestling with so many thoughts and questions (like the ones listed above). I’ve really had to think about what I wanted to say and why I wanted to put it out there for the world. I started with the question “Does anyone really care what I have to say?’ For real, do people even care what I have to say on my blog, my instagram, my facebook and other social media platforms? Does my opinion or life make a difference in those that may come across my story or my social media? Sure; I’m just one person but can I make a large difference by just being me? These are all great questions as well. I had to think long and hard about what I’m typing even as I am typing it because I do not want to send mixed signals or even confuse people.

This post comes from a humble place. A place that few have been or seen from me. I’m nervous to even type my feelings, to share what has been going on. Before you think this is some kind of life changing revelation; you’re right, it is. It’s a revelation that I’ve seen evolved several times over the last few years. It’s been me listening to one of my playlists on Spotify (Who I am Hates Who I’ve been). It’s true. I know that may sound strange but by listening to a playlist of twenty-two songs I’ve been able to make some decisions on who I am versus who I have been.

The last few years I didn’t really know who I was becoming or what God was preparing me for. I stepped out of a comfort zone and let people in to my life through social media, through one-on-one conversations, sharing my story to one person or a group. Who knew that sharing my story and the journey I’ve been on would actually change others and inspire them to become the person they were meant to be.

Just recently I posted a picture on my social media platforms and it got a lot of likes, and responses both online and in person. That wasn’t my intention at all. I heard things like “Man, you’re really an inspiration. I wish I had your passion your drive.” I thought it was a little funny because my response was “If I can, anyone can” When you have the drive and the passion to better yourself as a person who’s stopping you? YOU, You are the one holding you back. Why should you blame anyone else when all it takes is just a little push.When birds learn how to fly they don’t just jump off a tree and hope the wind catches them and they take off, no they actually have to make an effort once they’ve jumped. Just like a small bird learning to fly or a baby animal learning to walk all it takes is drive. Yes, it’s in their nature or they’re DNA but they have to be the ones to take that first step. We as people have to take a step and watch what happens. There is a mommy or daddy pushing them but they have to take the steps. They have to be the ones to get up and learn themselves. I always enjoy watching videos of baby animals learning to walk for the first time. Baby giraffes, horses or similar are the most fun to watch because their legs are so long and they are just so uncoordinated. Like it’s funny but it is also awesome to watch them take those steps without falling.

Just like a baby animal learning to walk I’ve had to learn a lot. I’ve had to learn to do this on my own. Yes I’ve had people cheering for me but I am solely responsible for what I’m doing. This blog sounds like that of a person who is about to make some life changing post, but really I’m just wanting to share my thoughts and confessions of my fitness journey. I have not always been fit nor do I consider myself fit today. Sure I am more physically fit than I was six years ago but I’m not in a good place where I am. I’ve hit a wall. I’m stuck and really not sure where to go from here. Much like in the beginning I am clueless.

As I said earlier this post is very humbling because I may act like I have it together and I’m doing great. I’ve put my best foot forward on social media with posts or pictures but most people do not see the behind the scenes stuff. I still struggle with who I see in the mirror, the number I see on the scale, how my clothes fit. I was doing so well and then BAM! It’s like it all hit at once.

A few months ago I started doing online fitness challenges with some of my followers and friends and I just knew that it would help me stay motivated since I was challenging others. Guess what? It did not. Confession: I couldn’t keep track or stick with the diet myself. It was hard and I know that if someone like me struggled to stay on track I’m sure the people doing that six week challenge struggled too. Wow what a revelation.

Even after that challenge I told myself I would that i could get back on track and keep

crushing goals. It definitely didn’t happen. I told myself that being home this summer would be great for my personal health and fitness but it didn’t.

I lost sight of what I started out in the beginning. I started so that I could make a change. Fitness became something I did and was a part of me. People cheering me on from all over the country and people who have followed my journey from the beginning can tell you that I’m not the person I was when I started. I subconsciously started working to please others and get accolades from my friends and followers on social media. I started submitting ads on media platforms to push my social media and feed my ego more than stay the course that I was on.

How did this happen?!

Simple; I told myself that I was doing this “for myself” but really I was doing it for my selfish self. I used to be shy and even though I loved being in front of others on stage whether it was acting or singing i was an introvert at heart. When I started receiving attention for the hard work I had put in I started to become a little egotistical and cocky. That’s a gut punch. I kept telling myself that I was not going to be one of those guys but that's exactly who I slowly molded into. I’m not going to be a pharisee about it and say “well at least I’m not being like that guy” or “wow look at them trying to feed their ego with that post” because you know what I became that person. I started looking at how many likes a picture would get or tracking to see what type of audience was looking at my Instagram. How stupid can I be? Yes it’s cool to see how social media works but that’s not what this journey is about.

Why did this happen to me?!

I have asked myself this several times the last few weeks because; if I’m being honest, my whole fitness thing has become a back seat to life. It has no longer become my passion but just another thing I have to do each day. I can list all the ways it has become a burden but

I’m not here to fill the internet with another post about that. I will tell you this much over the last three weeks I have - Gained twelve pounds (that’s right 12!) - I’ve told myself “I don’t need to go to the gym, I’ll be fine” - I have eaten what I wanted and not what I”ve needed - Chosen sleep and chilling at home instead of being active - Beaten myself up every time I’ve stepped on the scale and seen a higher number

It’s not easy to admit those things. Part of my “excuses” I have used have been because I’m exhausted after work and do not want to commit to a two-hour workout after work. Yeah I do work 40 hour weeks between my regular job and teaching a fitness class (yea I’m leading a fitness class and I’m not even a prime example of fitness) but that is no excuse for why I’m slacking. I’ve given up on meeting goals because the goals I’m setting for myself are not being met. There’s an old adage that says “Rome wasn’t built in a day”; DUH! Why should I expect my goals to be met that quickly. I’ve allowed cheat meals to come more often like ONCE A DAY instead of once a week. I have said to myself “it’s ok I’ll work it off tomorrow and do a few minutes extra of cardio” How stupid does that sound?... I thought so.too.

I’ve seen a change in my mood, my energy levels and even in the gym. I’m not as motivated as I once was. It’s like I lost it and I’ve lost my way. As I type this I’m reminding myself of why I started. I started off working out because I was tired of being overweight and I wanted to fight off genetics and hold hereditary traits like diabetes and heart problems off for just a little longer even if it was just a few years. It has definitely helped but we’ll see for how long. Even if and when those things take over that doesn’t mean I have to stop being the fitness guy I am; t may change how I work out and the foods I eat but for now we’ll just keep going on like those are not in the picture. Let’s be honest I’m scared that those are going to sneak up on me soon and I’m not going to be ready.

So the last question I’m answering

What can I do?

That’s a great question. What can I do? Simple. FIX IT! Sure fix it but how?

Get up and quit feeling sorry for myself and do something about it. Make a plan and be the guy that you started out to be & not the one you portray on social media, I can still use social media to inspire and challenge others but not feed my ego along the way.

I always make the passing joke “Lift with your back, not your ego” and maybe I should tell myself that. I’m not here to impress anyone; I’m here for myself and to better myself. I love working with others and challenging them as well but on their terms and in their journey and not mine. Each journey is different so I have to remember that as I continue down the path that is laid out before me!

I can also take a look at how I use my social media and even my in-person interactions. What am I portraying? Is it the guy who started this journey almost six years ago or am I portraying the guy who has it all figured out. I need to be the guy who is humble, who knows his stuff and is always learning and challenging himself. I will be the first to admit that I don’t everything and that I enjoy continuing my knowledge when it comes to the healthy life I just haven’t done a great job of keeping it up.

As I type this post I’ve been working on a plan for how I will get myself back on track. I’ll be honest, it’s gonna suck but it’ll be worth it. In 20 years when I look back at who I was I can look and say “Man I’ve come a long way and I’m glad I did this for myself”.

I hope that as you’re reading this you are thinking similar things “How can I better myself” It’s not the goal of this post to challenge you so much as to challenge myself.

I’ve really been putting a lot of thought into who I am, who I’ve been and who I want to become. It’s been highs and lows, valleys and mountaintops but you know what? It’s 100% ok to have setbacks because this allows me to stop, collaborate and listen…. Just kidding but it does allow me to stop and reorganize and replan and reformulate my fitness journey.

Who I am is a result of who I was and who I will become later on.

I remind myself daily that it is a new day and to make it better than the day before but I’m not always living that way. That ends today, that ends with the last sentence in this post.

Who I am hates who I’ve been so why not become the who you were meant to be?!

The Next Chapter

So I just recently read a post on Instagram that really inspired me.

This post said "Every pro was once an amateur. Every expert was once a beginner. So dream big. And start now." (credit to @flyingj.fitness)

How powerful is that? Everyone starts somewhere. A scientist doesn't just know all the answers. A doctor doesn't just wake up one day knowing the inner workings of a heart. He or she has to study and learn. Not only that but they must continue learning every day and NEVER STOP learning. Sure some are more apt to pick up something faster than others but that doesn't mean they are any better than others.

One thing I've learned about my fitness journey is that it's a never ending learning experience. I didn't know everything the first time I walked into the gym and honestly I'm still learning a lot about how muscles work and what exercises work best for me to grow and become stronger. I'm definitely not an expert but I'm still willing to learn every day how to be a better version of me.

When I first signed up for my gym membership I was really shy and even though I knew people that went to the gym I stuck to myself. One of the ways I learned how to use certain pieces of equipment was by watching and learning from people that I may not even know their names. I'm sure I could've figured it out on my own but I sought out others that knew what they were doing.

I often read articles and see posts on different social media platforms on weight loss, healthy eating and all around healthy lifestyles. Does this make me a professional or an expert? Absolutely not! Sure I've taken an online course for personal training and I learned a lot but until I know everything there is to know I'll never be an expert. The cool thing about fitness and other related fields is that there's always something to learn. New exercises and routines are always popping up and being discovered.

One of the best ways anyone can grow is to read, watch, etc and then put those things into practice. No one can openly and honestly say they know everything. If they do; then they are so wrong. I'm always open to new ideas. I may sometimes seem a little skeptical of some of the things I read or people I talk to who are supposed professionals or incredibly knowledgeable about certain fitness topics. Doing research and seeing what best works for you and what interests you is very important.

Many people I know that are starting out on their fitness journey never really know what they want until they start, and it may change depending on the results they see. That is what happened in my case. I started out really not knowing what I wanted other than knowing I wanted to lose weight. Who knew that my weight loss would lead to wanting to slim down more and build lean muscle. Trust me it has not been an easy journey. I feel like I should be further along than I am.

Many setbacks and times off at the gym during the summers have hindered me from meeting goals that I should have already met but thankfully this summer I won't be stopping my gym time for the sake of a summer job.

So what does my "next chapter" look like?

- For me the next chapter includes a "no excuse" mentality. I will get certified by the end of 2018 so that I can fully be ready to train individuals whether in person or online coaching.

- I'm working on ideas for branding and how that will look for potential and new clients

- Finding a niche that sets me apart from other clients

- Actually doing what I felt led me to start training others

- Finally it is going to be the close of an old chapter in this journey, not that it completes the story but it definitely will help move on to the next. When I started this blog a few years ago I wrote that every story begins somewhere and builds the story and introduces you to characters that you cling to and want to cheer for. I hope that in this new chapter you and I will continue cheer on the character and characters that this new chapter includes and introduces.


So what is your next chapter? Maybe it's to start your fitness journey somewhere. Maybe it's to reach out and seek help.

How can I help you? How can I help you in your journey? What part can I play in your story and your "next chapter"?


Contact me
Email: jkelleyfitness@gmail.com
Instagram: jkelleyfitness
Facebook: facebook.com/jkelleyfitness


Be on the lookout for new information on this next NEW CHAPTER

Your journey starts here.....

Journey. That’s the word I remind myself daily to be on. Whenever anyone compliments my fitness journey I always thank them and then proceed to “complain” about all the things I still don’t like about my body. I could use a little more cardio. I could eat a little better. This new eating kick I’m on. Whatever it may be I’m constantly saying I’m going to improve. But really am I trying to improve myself or make myself look better?....

That’s humbling. Four and half years ago when I started on this journey I didn’t know where it was going to take me. To be quite honest I still don’t know where it’s taking me. Some days it’s about bettering myself and some days it’s about wanting to challenge others by training them. I’m sitting here writing this I’m honestly a little mad at myself. Why? I’m not happy with the part of the journey that I’m currently on. I’ve come to a “stop”. This is the place where I am stuck in my journey. I’ve stalled and I’m not quite sure where to go from here. I’m stuck and it’s not even in a place I’d be okay being stuck for a time. Even though I don’t like where I’m at I’ve been able to learn a lot and I’ve been able to readjust plans, set new goals and remember that it’s a journey. I’ve been stuck at a certain weight and I haven’t been able to get past this hump. I still weigh less than I originally wanted to weigh. I would’ve never imagined that I’m where I am anyway.

Why should I be upset about that?! I know that it shouldn’t bother me but it really does. How do I move past that? Simple. I pick myself and I keep traveling on this journey. I came to the realization that I may never look like that guy on instagram. I may not have the perfect six pack or pecs that look great in a tightly fitted t-shirt. I may never get to a weight that I’m happy about and stay at that weight. I may lose a few more pounds. I may gain a few back. So what? What matters is the journey is not about the physical. It’s about the mental and emotional. If I look good then great but as long as my mind and heart are in it people see that passion and want to be more like you. People love to be around people who radiate positive energy.

I recently signed up for a new experience called “The Lion’s Chase”. I’ve not got basis but I’m going to describe it as something similar to a Tough Mudder or a Spartan Race; from what I’ve research. I’m actually really excited about it. It’s something new; something I can mark off my bucket list. When I ran my first 5K in 2014 I never thought I would finish that but then I finished it and the next year I beat my own personal record! Do you know that means? This means that I have to do this! I’ve got to be a cheerleader for myself and for the others around us.

September 2017 is here! It’s hard to believe how fast this year has flown by. I’ve set myself another goal for the month. Last month I challenged myself to lose ten pounds. For some of you reading this that sounds like a lot and for others not so much. I can not believe I actually managed to meet that goal within the four week period I gave myself. So for the month of September my main focus is my ab region. I don’t have the strongest core nor do I have the midsection that I’d like to have. Having lost around sixty/sixty five pounds I’ve not been able to lose the extra around my tummy and right above my waist.I want to strengthen my core and feel more confident shirtless.

Should I be proud of where I’ve come from to where I am now. This journey has not been easy or extremely fun but it’s been worth every second, every rep and every mile run on a treadmill. I never wanted to be the guy who talked about fitness all the time but when people see the journey I’ve been on the last four years it naturally comes up and people ask about it and ask for advice. When i decided to become a personal trainer I knew it was a niche that I needed to be a part of. Locally there are a lot of personal trainers. I know that I can not speak for every one of them but sometimes I wonder how many actually know the struggle actually understand how hard it is to start a journey that you never if you can actually make it to a destination. Some do, some don’t but what I do know is that I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to help others accomplish goals that I myself didn’t know I could meet.until I met them.

What stopped me from helping other people in the personal training arena? Money. I wasn’t able to finish paying for my personal training course and take the test. Yes Money. Money is what is holding me back on accomplishing my ultimate goal. I don’t write this blog to ask for money (although If you would like to help me out let me know!) but what I do ask is for people to really be challenged to look at their goals, see where they want to go and what they want to accomplish. For me It’s not only about finishing my personal training course and pass the test to become a certified personal trainer; it’s about becoming a better version of myself. This journey that I’m on isn’t the easiest but it’s worth every step I take on a treadmill, every extra five pounds I add to a dumbbell curl or chest press. This journey has been one that everyone wants to be on but few actually make an attempt to begin.

Where does your journey start?

Where will it end?

What goals have you set for yourself and how can I help?

One of my many goals when it comes to the fitness industry has been to write more on my blog, share recipes and more. So that’s another challenge I’m setting for myself. I’m going to try to write something new every week and post as much as I can. What are things you’d like to read about? I’m here to help your goals and dreams come to fruition.